Why Does the Mess Really Bother You?
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Have you ever noticed how a small mess—like unfolded laundry on the couch or dishes stacked in the sink—can feel like it’s the biggest issue in the world?
Is it really the mess, though? Or is there something deeper happening underneath the surface?
I’ve found that when I’m feeling grounded, intentional, and taking care of myself, those little household tasks don’t bother me as much.
Sure, they’re still there, but they don’t feel like an emergency. The dishes will get done, the laundry will eventually get folded, and I don’t stress about it.
But as soon as I start to feel out of balance—maybe I’m running on someone else’s schedule, constantly putting out fires, or just trying to keep up—that’s when the mess starts to get under my skin.
It’s not really the mess that’s the issue. It’s the feeling of being out of control in other areas of my life that’s bubbling to the surface.
For a long time, my kitchen bench was the perfect example of this.
It became the place where everything collected —all the things that were supposed to go underneath the bench but never quite made it there because I didn't feel like I had the time to put things away.
It was convenient to grab what I needed, but over time, it turned into a cluttered mess that always bothered me. It wasn’t just about the clutter; it felt like a constant reminder that I was letting things pile up, both physically and emotionally.
Finally, with the encouragement of my midlife coach, Vanessa Wright (yes, we coaches often have coaches and mentors as well!), I set aside some time to deal with it finally. I put everything away, organized what I needed to, and cleared the space.
👉🏼 And you know what? It eased my mind so much more than I expected.
The bench was just a bench again, but more importantly, it felt like I’d given myself permission to take control of something that had been quietly nagging at me for months. (Since then, I've been on a decluttering mission…but that’s another Substack for another time 😉.)
When we’re overwhelmed, those everyday little tasks feel like the only thing we “can” control.
It’s like I’m transferring all that negative energy and frustration onto the clutter or the dishes in the sink or onto my family for not helping out more.
Which leads me to snap at my family and feel extremely irritated. Not because the laundry didn’t get folded, but because it feels like I’m constantly in a game of catch-up, with no time to actually get caught up.
However I noticed that when I take the time to fill my cup—whether it’s a quiet walk, time for a hobby, or just creating space for myself—the mess doesn’t feel as overwhelming.
It’s like a barometer for where I’m at mentally and emotionally. When life feels too chaotic, the clutter becomes a target for my frustration.
But when I’m more in tune with my needs and have a sense of control over my time, it’s just a small part of the day, not a source of stress.
So, the next time you find yourself getting worked up over the mess, pause and ask yourself: is it really the laundry or dishes that’s bothering me, or is there something deeper going on?
Finding that answer could be the key to understanding what you need in the moment and creating more space for yourself in the chaos of everyday life.
